Interesting where life can take you

I attended the funeral of the mother of my ex, with whom I share a child with.  I guess you could say he was my first love.  Anyway, she was a wonderful woman who I was very fond of.  She had a strong spirit and was a strong woman.  I only wished that I could have seen her prior to her leaving this life to say, "Thank you" personally.  I was a little uneasy about doing so, I guess out of fear of who I would run into.  Not so much my ex but his other ex.  Isn't that funny, all the mucky muck was so many years ago but yet it almost seemed like it was yesterday.  There was a time where I think I actually hated him. I was not perfect in this relationship and it definitely took two but I was terribly hurt.  When I was told that his mother had passed, I just didn't care about his feelings so much.  I mean I had already decided that I would attend her funeral and not even knowing if he would want me there.  I also thought, if I go, the other ex could be there....and oh boy, not sure I'm up for that.  Although, I reminded myself that it wasn't about them, it was about a wonderful lady who was very kind to me and thus I should pay my respects.  So I would go, but I told myself that I would sit in back, and be a fly on the wall.  Of course my son was going but I would sit in back.

I arrived, early, really early and it was going to be a graveside service. I beat everyone including Mom, so I was able to sit in my car and let my mind wonder and worry, "Will my ex not want me here, do I shake his hand or give him a hug, what about the other ex?"  I'll stay in back as I don't want to be a burden on anyone. Mom arrived, and then came her son, and later came the children, the other ex was not there.  I got out and my ex approached me, gave me a rose for his mother, hugged me and thanked me for coming.  Hmm, didn't expect that.

It was a very nice ceremony and I'm glad I went.  It was much better than I had expected and I have no regrets.  The interesting thing was, that after all these years, it just didn't matter anymore why we were no longer together or who did what to who, we are who we are because of the things we've done, experienced, the good and the bad.  All that mattered to me, was this was a family with whom played a major role in my life.  I was thankful and walked away forgiving.  Thanks Jean, was this what you wanted me to come away with?  I think so, so once again, thank you for all you've done for me.